Miscarriage Heartbreak

Hello, my loves. I’m sorry things have been a bit quiet around here. After transferring our last frozen embryo in early March we were delighted to learn I was, at long last, pregnant. After three emotionally and physically exhausting rounds of IVF, Simon and I were over the moon to say the least. We excitedly called our parents and siblings and I texted all my sweet girlfriends that had been rooting for us along the way. Simon began whispering funny things to the little embryo in my belly and I filled my Amazon cart with baby books. Then, on my 31st birthday, I miscarried. Needless to say, our hearts are broken.

We’ve decided to take six months off from IVF and just enjoy ourselves out from under the constant stress of hormone injections and doctor appointments. When we began this journey I was so impatient for a baby I never would have imagined putting things on hold, but right now, I know my heart could use some time to heal. In the meantime, I’ll be throwing myself into this blog and doing tons of traveling (silver lining). This summer I’m hoping to visit Oslo, Helsinki, Moscow, and St. Petersburg. I’m also contemplating early fall trips to India and Kenya (have any of you been on safari?) which are two places I’ve long dreamed of visiting. Thank you, once again, for all your kindness and support. Know that I’ve read each of your heartfelt comments throughout this journey and they’ve meant the world to me. Whether we have a baby of our own or adopt a child in need of a home (something I’ve always wanted to do), I know we’ll someday grow our family, it’s just a question of when. Keeping my chin up. Love, Katie

(image: polar bear rocker)

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49 comments on “Miscarriage Heartbreak

  1. Tina

    Katie, I have been a long time reader of your blog and followed you through travels, your wedding and now your life in Copenhagen. My deepest thoughts are with you and your husband at this time.
    I too, between my two children had a late miscarriage. Friends and family and blog readers will help you through this time.
    Thinking of you and Simon
    Love from Australia

  2. Chloë Hubner

    Even though you don’t know me, I feel like I do know you and my thoughts are with you. Take care in this difficult time. Hopefully things will look up for you soon again.

    Love from Chloë
    The Netherlands

  3. Nancy Butler

    Very sad news, miscarriages are so hard. You are so right to focus on all the joyful things in life and trust that it will all work out. It sounds like you have lots of support, and a very grounded attitude, but still sorry you have had to go through this.

  4. Katy

    I’m so sorry. I have no words that will help ease the pain but I can tell you I’m thinking of you and wishing you happiness and love ❤️

  5. Heather Bernard

    My heart aches for you and Simon. I’ve read your blog for years and feel like I know you! (I was a Matchbook girl!) Miscarriages are devastating. I’ve had three. I also have two beautiful boys to show for my perseverance. You will find your babies, I promise. But you’re wise to let your heart heal. Sending love and light.

  6. Christy Chess

    Katie – so very sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. Janice

    I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Having had both IVF success and failures I know exactly how you feel, (exhausted, heartbroken, angry, the list goes on and on) Taking time off from the infertiity circus (as I called it) is utterly necessary to help heal your heart and mind and get yourself in a better space to try again if you decide to. My thoughts and good wishes are with you.

    I have been on safari to Botswana, utterly amazing (so many elephants!) Happy to provide any info if you end up in that part of Africa.

  8. Wendy

    So sorry that you have to experience another disappointment. A break is probably much needed. Patience is difficult when you want something so badly. Lots of positive thoughts your way. Love your blog! Keep the faith! ❤️

  9. Gretchen

    Katie,
    As someone about to begin the process (at 41), I’m full of fear and trepidation. But, at the same time I’m full of hope, too. I admire your strength and perseverance and I’m so sorry to hear news of your miscarriage! I’m trying so hard not to let stress weigh me down, and I think your traveling plans sound wonderful for your mind, body, and spirit!

    Take care!

    Best, Gretchen

  10. Katie Armour Post author

    Gretchen – You’ll do great!!! Please know that we’ve just had exceptionally bad luck (even our fertility doctor acknowledged it). IVF isn’t nearly as bad as I’d originally feared, you get used to the shots really quickly, and I know plenty of folks that got pregnant their very first round. Best of luck. I’m rooting for you! xx

  11. Jennifer

    Katie- I am so sorry for your immense loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, it is very possible you are helping other women without even realizing it. Sending you all our love.

  12. Sabrina

    Thank you for sharing with us. I’m really inspired by your fortitude and I wish you the best.

  13. Mimi

    So very sorry to hear it. I appreciate you sharing and your positive attitude. I hope the break is a good and rejuvenating one. Will continue to read and look for all that’s to come for you!

  14. Kate

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it must be hard to share this devastating news with strangers, but you’re surely helping people going through the same thing who feel alone. I hope that your time off from the treatments will give your body the time to recuperate and the strength it needs to sustain a healthy pregnancy.

  15. Jamie

    Oh Katie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your husband healing wishes for this time. Taking a break from IVF sounds like a good plan and I look forward to reading about your adventures.

  16. Ellie McNevin

    Sending so much love. Constantly inspired by your strength and perseverance. A summer of travel sounds perfect. Xoxo

  17. Phyllis

    Oh Katie, my heart sank when I read this blog post title. I am so, so sorry to hear this for you and your husband. I know something wonderful is going to happen for you but you have been through such a hard and heartbreaking ordeal. Your plan of putting everything on the back burner and enjoying some travel {what AMAZING places you’ve picked} sounds like a good one. And your wonderful attitude will help so much. God bless you both.

  18. Marjie

    Katie, I am so so sorry. I was so hoping for a happier post.

    Take time for you and re-energize and most of all keep your faith and good things will come.

    Check out my Weekend Wisdom @foreverchicbymeg

    xx
    Marjie

  19. Beatriz

    Dear Katie,
    I am a long time reader (since Matchbook!), and I have never commented, but I have been rooting for you all along. I am so deeply sorry; I will be thinking of you and Simon. I adore your taste, but above all I admire your grace and resilience. Keep shining, beautiful lady!

  20. Caty Ann DeLaigle

    I am so sorry for your heartache. Mine aches too for you. Thank you for discussing this publicly because so many women suffer from this and feel hopeless and devasted. You are doing so much just by letting them know they aren’t alone in the struggle.

  21. Katherine

    You are one of the truly strong and brave for bearing this, and then sharing it with us. I hope our well wishes and good thoughts continue to lift you up–we are all cheering for you xxx

  22. caitlin

    How very brave you are, you have a wonderful attitude which will serve you well through this difficult time. I feel sure that you will have the family you desire and I look forward to seeing the joy that brings to you.

  23. Whitney

    I’m so sorry Katie. I’ve had four miscarriages and two back to back in the last few months. Nothing feels harder than a miscarriage, especially couple with infertility. So glad you’ll take time to travel. I have a 2 year old daughter through all my heartbreak and she’s worth it all, even with the heartbreak I’m experiencing now. I hope you enjoy your time off!

  24. Ellie

    So, so sorry to hear of your loss. You have a beautifully brave and sweet spirit. Sending a hug your way.

  25. Nadia

    Oh Katie :( I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and Simon! But know you are strong and will get thru this – and will have your baby (one way or another!). Try to enjoy and relax during these next few months. Sending you virtual hugs!

  26. Grace

    I read your blog daily and like it very much. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love from Toronto, Canada. Keep faith and enjoy the adventure!

  27. Kumi

    My deepest condolences to you and your Simon. There are eight years between our two children (not by choice) and several miscarriages between them. I remember years ago during that heart-aching period the New York Times ran an essay/article from an American in Japan that I found odd comfort in, I did a search and found it and have posted the link. The article was published in 2002, the year before our second child, my daughter, was born. I hope the article also gives you some small comfort. -k
    http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/21/magazine/mourning-my-miscarriage.html

  28. libby

    I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully you can find comfort and peace in the fact that you were pregnant! I know I did when I also had an early miscarriage after countless fertility treatments. Enjoy your break. XO

  29. Mary

    Katie, I’m a longtime reader of your blog. I had a miscarriage several years ago, so can relate to the grief firsthand. Our daughter has since joined our family and was worth the wait. Be gentle with yourself in the coming weeks and months.

  30. Dianne

    So very sad for both of you. I cannot believe your wonderful attitude, must be extra hard for you being so far from family and friends. I think you are very wise to take a break, travel and give yourselves time to
    recover from your loss.

  31. A Girl, A Style

    My darling Katie, my heart is aching for you and Simon. I had so hoped it would be third time lucky, and I know how hard this is for you both. Your baby is on the way, I just know it.

    I’m here to help cheer you up whenever you’re ready.

    Sending so much love to Copenhagen.

    Briony xoxo

  32. Valentine Fussell

    It takes a lot of courage to tell others of your loss. Hang in there and enjoy all those lovely trips! Have you met Camryn Anderson? She’s an american living in Copenhagen (we lived there for 6 years and moved back to the US last year. I think we barely missed one another!) She went through a similar experience and every time I see her beautiful baby boy I tear up! Shoot me an e-mail if you want me to connect you to her. She’s a California girl and an absolute treasure!

  33. Meredith

    Katie, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I truly wish I had more to offer than these words of sympathy. Know that in addition to your friends and family, you have lots of readers hoping for the absolute best for you.

  34. Tiffany

    I’m so sorry and pray for healing and beautiful blessings to come your way despite this horrible heartbreak. May your time off bring peace and may your future bring happy miracles. I know it will. Sending lots of love and positivity.

  35. Cece

    The same thing happened to me before I had my girls. Nothing prepares you for how awful it feels. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Xoxo

  36. Ann

    So sorry, thanks for sharing. Your tears are not forgotten by God. ““You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”” — Psalm 56:8
    We recently did a self-drive safari in South Africa and had a blast! It was great just the two of us driving around at our own pace.

  37. Starr

    I am so sorry. The heartache of losing a baby is like nothing else. You are wonderful and will be a wonderful mother. I hope you have a safe and adventurous summer. Xoxo
    Starr

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