IVF Heartbreak, Take Four

I hope everyone had a nice Labor Day weekend. Sadly, ours was one of heartache. In early August, Simon and I decided that we were ready to restart fertility treatment. Three months had passed since my miscarriage and I was feeling emotionally and physically ready to begin again. IVF is, as I’ve mentioned before, far more affordable in Denmark than it is in the States, so though we’d previously planned to take a longer break, while we’re living abroad I wanted to keep the ball rolling. So, last month we did a fresh round of IVF (the shots, the acupuncture, the whole shebang).

This time, after the egg removal I was feeling particularly ill thanks to something glamorous called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (hence the lack of blog posts). Thankfully, despite my OHSS symptoms, we were still able to do the embryo transfer and even talked our doctor into transferring TWO embryos (something rarely done in Denmark for women under 35). We had such high hopes! Maybe we’d have twins! Our bad luck would be over! The fourth time was going to be a charm! Until, it wasn’t. On Friday morning, after what felt like a truly never ending two week wait, I got the call from the clinic—our fourth IVF transfer had failed. I was not pregnant. There would be no Taylor twins. We spent the weekend cuddling Alfred and reassuring ourselves that we’re still a family, even if our only child is a grumpy pug.

The silver lining? We have three frozen embryos and we’ll try again in a few weeks. I’m back on the hormone wagon and somehow, charging ahead. I wanted to again thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes this past year. They’ve kept me afloat. If you or someone you love is struggling with infertility please also know that our bad luck is not the norm. Whether we have our own biological child or are lucky enough to adopt someday, I know this long, crazy journey to motherhood will have been worth it. Keeping my chin up. Love, Katie

(Above: vintage butterfly prints that arrived the day we got the bad news and lifted my spirits. I can’t wait to get them framed. Trying to find joy in the small things…)

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29 comments on “IVF Heartbreak, Take Four

  1. Jamie

    I’m so sorry Katie! I’m sending prayers and healing wishes your way. I’m sure this is not an easy time – especially with everything that your body is going through at the same time. You write beautifully about it and I’m sure we all appreciate your sharing your story. You are going to be an incredible mama. xo

  2. Cher

    I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how things were going. I’m sorry to hear this has been so hard for you. Above your blog and readers, keep taking care of yourself. Hugs

  3. MK

    Thinking of you & your family, Katie! Your ability to be so candid & open about your struggles have helped so many people, including myself. You will have the chance to be a mother one day. Glad to hear you are keeping your chin up. Sending love from Boston xx

  4. Nancy (Marcus Design)

    I love your hopeful spirit! And thank you for being open and sharing your journey with us. You are right in saying that it will all be worth it, whether IVF or adoption. I’ll keep you in my prayers!!

  5. Monica

    Your determination and honesty are so moving. Praying for you and your husband from my little corner of the world.

  6. Jill

    So many prayers from Texas. Your baby is waiting for you somewhere, whether it grows in your belly or in your heart.

  7. Denise rodriguez

    I’m praying for you! It’ll happen someway somehow!
    I’ve been reading your blog since like forever! Hugs from south Florida!

  8. AB

    Oh Katie, I’m so sorry. I have been thinking of you and wondering how the process was going. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be. Thank you for updating us and know we are all sending you best wishes and love throughout this time. Thank you for all the beautiful content you provide us despite all that you’re going through. Take care, xo A

  9. Richelle

    I’m sorry that the road to parenthood for you and Simon is a bumpy one (and glad you have Alfred to comfort you). My husband and I had an equally twisty-turny ride 20 years ago now. In the end, we decided to be happy just the two of us (with many dachshunds!). Where ever this takes you two, I wish you happiness together.

  10. Phyllis

    Oh Katie, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the roller coaster you and Simon have been on. I’m glad you’re going to keep trying for as long as you can. Your warmth and kindness always comes through in your posts and comment section. You’ll be the most wonderful mom and it will be all the sweeter because of the struggle.

  11. Kelly P

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve also been through the infertility wringer and unfortunately I was never able to conceive. The bright side is that my husband and I are going to our introductory meeting on becoming foster parents next week. There are so many ways to create a family. I’m wishing you and Simon all the best!

  12. N

    I am sorry this cycle didn’t work! There are many ways to build your family and as someone who has come out the other side (albeit not in the expected manner), there is light and happiness at end of the journey. Y’all are in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. Caroline Brackett

    You have impeccable taste and a good heart, and your future child(ren) are going to be blessed to have you as a mother. I admire your strength, courage, and attitude. I love following you – although you get me in trouble quite a bit! God’s peace to you.

  14. Geri

    Oh honey….. I was so sorry to hear your news. You are a strong lady and I know you will persevere:) I do recall that Erin @ elements of style, went through something very similar. She eventually changed doctors and soon became pregnant. Might you try a new specialist, maybe in London? That might just do the trick ;)

    Best, Geri xx

  15. Kristin

    I’m so sorry, Katie. I’ve been there, and I understand the heartbreak. My wish for you is that the heaviness in your heart lifts and that you and your husband find the courage to take the next steps in moving forward with your life, whatever they may be. Wishing you luck and sending you love.

  16. Alissa

    Sending you much love. I know how heartbreaking, isolating, frustrating and exhausting it can all be. I had a long, painful, rough road to becoming a mother, but today I am the mother of the most incredible 2 year old daughter. I gave up hope so many times, but kept trying. Know that it will happen. I know that doesn’t make it easier, but if you want to be a mother, it will happen. Sending good vibes to you!!!

  17. marjie

    Katie, I am so sorry. keep in mind nothing truly wonderful comes easy. The experience of the journey makes the success so special. Stay strong and know good things are on there way.

    xx

    Marjie

  18. Tara

    I am so sorry to hear about this. Your bravery, compassion and honesty in sharing this journey with us is so generous. Dear friends have also been through this process and it’s so fraught with highs and lows. I know you will have a family in the future and will be a wonderful mother. Surround yourself with those you love and know that friends you haven’t met yet are thinking of you.

  19. Katie Armour Post author

    Just wanted to thank you for all these thoughtful comments. Was feeling rather down the past few days and they’ve really lifted me up. So thankful for my sweet readers. xoxo katie

  20. Laura

    Hi Katie,

    Thank you again for sharing this journey with us. I just read an article called “Infertility, Early Pregnancy & Social Media: How To Cope” that I thought might interest you.

    You’re in my thoughts.

    Laura

  21. KR

    Thank you for sharing your journey, I, too, am in the waiting stage. It’s so hard to remain optimistic every new month, but your strength really encouraged me today. Thinking of you and your husband & sending you all the best wishes.
    xoxo

  22. Cathi Nunn

    Oh Katie – I’m so sorry to hear this! We’ve been down this road with my son and daughter in law – 7 years try just to conceive only to have a few miscarriages, several rounds of failed IVF and finally a beautiful baby. It has been such an emotional rollercoaster as you know. Sending my love and prayers to you and Simon! xxoo

  23. lara / the glossarie.

    sending you so much love and strength. we had our miracle via IUI three years ago (and we are currently exploring the possibilities for round 2 – it takes a lot of guts and bravery to do what we fertility moms do). your babe is in the stars! whatever you do, don’t give up hope xxx

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