IVF Heartbreak, Take Seven + A Moroccan Escape

Earlier this month we found out that our seventh and final IVF attempt had failed. There were lots of tears and a great deal of heartbreak, but also, in so many ways, just a sense of relief. I felt relieved to finally be able to end the hormones and get my health (and in so many ways, life) back. The past two years have been devastating for us—it is time to close the door and start a new chapter. We are reading up on adoption and are hopeful it’s in our future. Being that I’m American, Simon is British, and we live in Denmark, the adoption process may be extra complicated for us, but we will find a way. Tomorrow, we’re off to Marrakech for five days of much needed relaxation. Morocco is such a magical place and I can’t wait to get lost with the man I love (Simon, you really are the most wonderful thing) in one of my favorite cities. I’ve also booked a February trip to India with my dear friend Jane (and have my January trip to Japan), so despite not being pregnant, I have many things to look forward to and be grateful for. Thank you, sweet readers, for all your support throughout our infertility journey. I know in my heart Simon and I will grow our family someday and it will be everything we ever could have imagined. Somehow, this new path seems it was meant to be. Love, Katie

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21 comments on “IVF Heartbreak, Take Seven + A Moroccan Escape

  1. Charlotte

    Sending so much love and healing your way. Your grace and attitude throughout all of this is an inspiration to us all. Enjoy Marrakech, can’t wait to live vicariously through your IG updates! Hugs, Charlotte xo

  2. CP

    Heartbroken for you. You have dealt with this with real dignity. Believe that one door closing means another will open and I, along with your other readers, wish all good things for you. CP

  3. SJ

    You are so brave sharing your story. It’s been a huge help for me and therefore I know it’s helped so many other readers. Despite the loss, I’m so glad you’re relieved and can move on to adoption! Sending positive vibes for a short process

  4. NS

    Hi Katie. I’ve been following your IVF journey closely since it so resembles my own! I am on my 6th cycle. We are looking into surrogacy (we live in the states) and that seems like a reasonable next step for us. I know several people who’ve done this process in the US while living abroad. If you would like to talk about surrogacy options in the states, I have a lot of research.. please reach out to me and i would be more than happy to share whatever i have learnt, why we’re doing this, and how its happening.
    Coincidentally my husband and I just came back from Morocco as well – a healing trip after my last cycle. Hope you have a wonderful time!

    Lots of love to you.

  5. Cheryl

    Sending you lots of love, patience and prayers during your journey. I, too, went through IVF unsuccessfully and ended up going down the adoption path. Honestly, it’s not a path I had wanted to go down, but my boys are now 13 and 10 and I could not imagine my life without them. They are a part of me. We lived in NYC at the time and went through Spence Chapin for both of the adoptions. We decided to go the international route so both of our boys are from South Korea…this may be more information than you need or want but please know I have walked in your shoes. Please contact me if you have any questions as your figure out your path for creating your family. xoxo

  6. Megan

    Oh, Katie. No words, just love. We’ll continue holding your hope. xo

    My husband and I are headed to Morocco (Casablanca and Fez) for the first time in February before our next round of treatment. I would love any recommendations! There’s nothing like a trip (or three!) on the books to help you have something to look forward to.

  7. Cate

    This is a familiar story, as I too have had this fate. We tried many years with no success and I too felt relieved when that chapter was over, so I could focus on another way to become a parent that didn’t involve meds, expense, many doctor visits and multiple heartbreak .

    We adopted two beautiful children in 2003 and 2006. We know that without our many attempts at IVF, we would not have come to this adoption path and thus may have never met our children. We know now that this was the way it was meant to be. We’re so honored to have these kids in our lives and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I couldn’t imagine loving my own biological children any more…they are truly my blessings!

    Please know that your time will come…be persistent, get the adoption process started, and follow up. It is cumbersome and time consuming, but it is all worth it.

  8. Jennifer

    Katie – I’m thinking of the passage in Nia’s book about the day she met her daughter. Hoping you find your baby and have your day soon. All my love.

  9. katherine

    you are lionhearted, katie. it is inspiring how sanguine you are in face of a speed bump in the road of life. it speaks volumes about you, your husband, and your relationship. i would say that even if the outcome wasn’t what you planned, you have been blessed along the journey in so many ways. we could use more valiant women such as yourself in this world.

    as far as adoption goes, i believe it won’t be complicated at all. just show your true self and you will have the desired outcome…a ‘little’ is waiting for you. wishing you all the best. be prepared for miracles :).

    best,
    katherine

  10. Tara

    Oh Katie, I am so sorry to hear this. Your honest sharing of your process has been brave and wonderful, and I know you will be an amazing mother to your child when you meet them. Your grace and ability to stay positive have been incredible. Your travels will recharge your spirits and I know you and Simon will have a lovely family in the future. Best of luck!

  11. Phyllis

    Sweet Katie, I was in tears as I read your first sentence and then a messy puddle as I read all the comments. I totally agree with everyone how you have lived through this hardship with such grace and dignity. I know that you’re willingness to share has helped others. Really glad you have some amazing trips to look forward to. I am saying a prayer for your future and for all the blessings you will find, and that will find you. xo

  12. Caitlin Fisher

    sending you SO much love and strength during this time! You are truly incredible. I know you will be a mother someday soon and an amazing one. Enjoy every minute of your upcoming adventures xx

  13. PATRICIA H. Flournoy

    I have been where you are…and can only say…There is a light at the end of the Tunnel! My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.

  14. Darby Gwisdala

    Thank you for your honesty and allowing us to know about your journey. It is only as one looks back will the pattern be revealed, that like the Moroccan tiles you posted, will beauty be seen. It is grief that gives depth to the colors. May your trips provide healing and refreshment and an excitement that will propel you forward on your journey.

  15. Jamie

    A big hug to you and thank you for sharing your journey with us. I hope that you and your husband have a healing, happy trip ahead – it sounds like your IVF journey has been incredibly taxing, so I hope you are able to enjoy some much deserved relaxation. Sending you lots of good wishes for your adoption journey and I’m glad that it feels right. Your future child will be so lucky to have a mother as fiercely loving and strong as you are!

  16. caitie

    i’m so sorry, katie. thank you so much for sharing your IVF journey. i’ll be thinking of you and i hope you’re able to relax and enjoy your travels! xo

  17. Gill

    I’ve read your blog for a while now and its a great blog. I’m so sorry to hear of your misfortune with IVF, it mirrors the journey I took some years back now into IVF, its a painful loss and that level of emotion coming at you at a time when your hormones are rampant, doesn’t help. It takes time to heal, but you will. Sending positive well wishes.

  18. marjie

    Katie,

    Sendings good wishes and love to you and Simon. Stay positive and remain grateful and new blessings will magically find their way.

    xx

    Marjie

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